You may be a sailor if...

Ok, first off. SAILING IS THE MOST PAINFUL SPORT ON THE PLANET. Now that that's out of the way, Me and my friend lindsey came up with some jokes about sailing. Just but "You might be a sailor" after each one.

-if your head looks like a potato from chernobyl.
-if youve ever sprained your ankle and were told to "Walk it off"
-If youve ever been sung by a jellyfish in your eye and were told to rub dirt in it.
-If youre willing to sail in an industrial shipping lane, but the sound of thunder makes you cringe.
-If youve ever touched the side of the River Lady... while it was moving.
-If you see the Mr. Clean magic eraser as the greatest invention of the 20th century.
-If you see the Toms River as the worlds biggest toilet.
-If the golfers at the toms river country club want impale you with a golf club.
-If you have ever guarded a flag pole with the will to maim anyone who gets in your way.
-If youve ever considered a 20 knot wind as "A nice breeze"
-If youve ever flipped off a fishing boat full of old people.
-If you cant walk down a hallway without at least murmuring "STARBOARD!"
-If youve ever held onto a moving motor boat with your teeth.
-If you see a pocket knife as a tool everyone should carry.
-If youve ever cursed 20 times in one sentence.
-If you have the urge to spin around every time you bump into someone in a hallway.
-If youve ever gotten a life jacket tanline.
- If you see nothing dangerous about slaloming the seaside bridge's concrete supports while in an 16 foot fiberglass boat.
-If your automatic answer for every problem is "Duct Tape and vinegar"

Ill come up with more as I think of them. If anyone who reads this is a sailor, be sure to add your own. Ive got pages of these!

Math and the universe

HAve you ever truly wondered about the symbol "Pi." That little symbol, that little function we all take for granted as we punch the keys on our calculators, Is infinite. Infinity. It will never and can never stop. It blows your mind. This is a two dimensional symbol that moves without moving, it forever calculates new decimal places in the constant pursuit of perfection. Incredible. The entire universe contained in a little symbol. The universe essentially works in numbers. Planetary orbits have algorithms, Comets have calculated trajectories. And we humans are the only ones in the solar system who have figured it all out.

Have you ever just stared at the sky and thought? I did yesterday. As I stared at the sunset, I slightly raised my eyes a bit and soon I was staring straight up, straining my neck. I realized then, that my gaze continued on for an infinite amount of lightyears, With new planets, galaxys, and even universes to be discovered. I wonder what other universes are like. Maybe they're a nicer place. Oddly enough, as I stared into the abyss, I no longer feared death, (which I do on a regular basis). Theres so much Im unaware of in this existence, so much that I could learn. so much, in fact, that it would be impossible to learn it all. This pleased me, alot. I knew then that no matter what happened to me or what I did, that great big universe we merely take a speck of will keep on existing, keep on expanding. I've never been one for religion, but I suddenly embraced a higher power in my existance- the universe itself. Earth is simply a speck of dust on the dashboard of reality. A breeze could wipe it away. And Im just fine with that. In fact, I almost feel pride in the fact that we as humans have existed this long. Have stood against a harsh and cruel universe surrounding us. Come on universe. Im ready to take what you throw at me. Ill be ready and waiting.

Journal time: Beef Jerkey

Do you know what the greatest invention on earth is? I'll tell you... its not penicilin, its not bulletproof vests. It is'nt even fire itself. Its Beef Jerkey. Thats right... that novelty food you non-believers have shunned for so long as a piece of simple dried beef is the material equivalent of Nirvana (not the band). Why, you ask? This glorious snack has the power to enslave the minds of Humans. I could say, "So-and-so, fetch me a SANDWICH!" and bada-bing, I will have a sandwich in due time. True but unknown facts: Beef Jerkey started the American civil war. The confederacy raided the national supply of beef jerkey, but used the raid on harpers ferry as a cover up. Beef Jerkey caused the nixon-watergate scandal. The incriminating tapes would have gone unheard, if it werent for a bag of beef jerkey resting in a window that a passerby saw while going for an evening walk and immediately ran for the all-powerful beef treat. Scientists have even found traces of Element J (Jerkey) in the craters of the arizona desert, suggesting that A massive comet made of Beef Jerkey Killed the dinosaurs. BEHOLD THE JERKEY! RESPECT THE JERKEY! FEAAAAR THE JERKEY! Thank You.

Discovery Channel.

Have any of you guys seen that new Discovery Channel commercial with the singing. Well, here goes nothing!

*Commercial opens with bus pulling into front of school*

I love the hallways. [student walking in front entrance]
I love the locker rooms. [Gym Student]
I love the theater. [thespian]
I love to push my broom. [janitor]
I love this High School, and all its craziness [police officer]
Boom-de-ada Boom-de-ada Boom-de-ada Boom-de-ada.

I love to write stuff, [Ms. Morrison]
I love to sleep in tents [senior]
I love to play sports [jock]
I love the elements. [Mr. Baumgart]
I love this High School, and all its sights and sounds [Stanziano]
(Chorus)

I love to factor [Ms. Besante]
We all love caroling [chorus students]
I love to eat lunch [student walking downtown]
We love to block the wings [pair of students making out]
We love the whole school, now can we please go home!! [student body on bleachers]
(Chorus)


There you go! If you have no idea what Im referencing, just look up "I love the whole world" on youtube. Its a wonderful commercial.