Journal time: Beef Jerkey

Do you know what the greatest invention on earth is? I'll tell you... its not penicilin, its not bulletproof vests. It is'nt even fire itself. Its Beef Jerkey. Thats right... that novelty food you non-believers have shunned for so long as a piece of simple dried beef is the material equivalent of Nirvana (not the band). Why, you ask? This glorious snack has the power to enslave the minds of Humans. I could say, "So-and-so, fetch me a SANDWICH!" and bada-bing, I will have a sandwich in due time. True but unknown facts: Beef Jerkey started the American civil war. The confederacy raided the national supply of beef jerkey, but used the raid on harpers ferry as a cover up. Beef Jerkey caused the nixon-watergate scandal. The incriminating tapes would have gone unheard, if it werent for a bag of beef jerkey resting in a window that a passerby saw while going for an evening walk and immediately ran for the all-powerful beef treat. Scientists have even found traces of Element J (Jerkey) in the craters of the arizona desert, suggesting that A massive comet made of Beef Jerkey Killed the dinosaurs. BEHOLD THE JERKEY! RESPECT THE JERKEY! FEAAAAR THE JERKEY! Thank You.