The best audition of my life (a memoir)

It had been an excellent day. My first trip into the city alone had been a complete success, and the audition had gone wonderfully. Little did I know that it was all about to change.

As I walked out of Abrams casting agency, I took in a deep breath of that polluted city air that I love so much. Something was wrong though. Mixed with the stench of exhaust, dust, and Body odor which the city is so well known for, A strong tinge of decay lingered. Suddenly, a moving manhole cover caught my eye. At first I assumed it was simply a construction worker, coming up from underground for a coffee or sandwich. I then saw the decayed flesh, heard the mindless groan, and smelled the horrible stench that I would remember for the rest of my days. New York City was being invaded... by ZOMBIES!!!

Thinking fast, I picked up a shovel from a nearby road work area.
"all right, you brain munching fiends, they dont call me ZANE THE PAIN FOR NUTHIN!" I said, hoping to scare the zombies just a little bit. I then remembered that Zombies dont feel fear, so I rethought my strategy and smashed the limping ghoul right over the skull. One down, countless more to go. I realized that If I were to survive, I would have to catch the 5:50 PM ferry to atlantic highlands. I glanced at my watch and saw I only had 30 minutes left. It was just then that I saw an unfortunate pedestrian get overtaken by a zombie from the roaring 20's era (he kept on charleston-kicking the poor man) and I rushed over and took his bike. I may be no genius or soldier, but any fool knows that zombies certainly arent the fastest threat out there.
I also managed to pick up a fallen police officer's handgun with 6 bullets in the magazine. "Alright Zane," I thought to myself, "Time for the role of a lifetime, the hero!"

Unfortunately, my speed advantage soon dissapeared. I saw 3 swervy taxi cabs turn onto seventh avenue behind me. The living dead WERE DRIVING CARS! A large cab pulled up next to me and rolled down the window.
"Youuur on the caaaaash Caaaaaaaab" The miserable wretch moaned.
"I'd like to make a street shout out!" I replied as I shout out his tires and skidded onto 35th street.

Just a few more blocks. Just a few more and I would be alive. I felt the sweat running down my face, my blood pumping in my ears. I managed to jump off the dock just as the ferry pulled away. I couldnt believe it.... I had survived a zombie uprising. "That will make quite a blog!" I panted to myself as I walked inside the ferry. I wondered if the pilot had known about this horrible day and if it was known by people outside the city. I walked up the stairs to the bridge (thats the control room for all you landlubbers) and said "Hey man, thanks for sticking around for me. I would have been a gonner if you left any earlier!" The chair swiveled around, and I stared eye to eye with none other than the zombified corpse... of Black Beard the pirate.
"Yaaaaaaaaarrrr...." Said the petrified pirate.
"Wow, you guys are persistant! I really hope I get a callback for all this mess," I sighed to myself as I lifted my trusty shovel and lunged at him.

GREATEST MOVIE LINES OF ALL TIME... OR UNTIL I THINK OF BETTER ONES!

Zane's List of THE GREATEST MOVIE QUOTES OF ALL TIME! Kudos to you if you can name which movies/books/plays they are from.

"Im french! What do you think I have this OUTRAAAGEOUS Accent for you silly king!"

"You're in the cage. Cage goes in the water. You're in the water... Sharks in the water. Our Shark"

"Its so hot, Milk was a BAD choice!"

"They've gone to plaid."

"Ach, Zis is no good, I'm Not killing anyvun!" (german accent)

"Its good to be the king!"

"But you don't got no legs Lieutenant Dan!"... "Yes Gump I know."

"Sorry for havin a fight in the middle of ya black pantha party."

"If you're gonna shoot, shoot. Don't talk."

"Mm. This is one tasty burger! May I have some delicious drink to wash down this tasty burger!"

"We've come for your daughter, Chuck."

"I'll have no pointy-ear outscoring me!"

"I am ripper, tearer, Gouger, slasher! I am the teeth in the darkness; the talons in the night. Mine is strength, and lust, AND POWER. I... AM... BEOWULF!"

"I... drink... your... MILKSHAKE!"

"Snakes... why did it have to be snakes"

"Look Ted, its Beef-oven!"

"BONESAAAAW IS READY!"

"Now listen my dear. Don't... put the candle... back"

"I just shot marvin in the face!"

"Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you're crazy to make an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain"... "An athlete"..."and a basket case"... "a princess"... and a criminal"... "Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours; the Breakfast Club"

"Land snatching; there must be a legal way... here it is... Land, land, land... See snatch!"

There once was a fish from milwaukee,
Who smelled like a dirty Sockee.
He was a good fish, and then got his wish
And bought himself a walkee-talkee

There once was a man named Zane
His friends thought he was insane.
To there fright, they found they were right
and he suddenly dissolved in the rain...
cuz, he was like... a witch of something.

There once was a mokey named Moe
His mind was kind of slow
he suddenly felt sad, and met a young lad
and named his new son Frodo!

My first post

Hey hey folks and welcome to my blog! I love writing and blogging so I'll probably post a LOT on this blog. Well, While I'm here, has anyone else noticed how stupid these School decorations are? Im staring at an octopus wearing a graduates cap and writing in chalk... UNDERWATER! also, he has rosy cheeks. HE'S COLD BLOODED! HE CAN NOT HAVE ROSY CHEEKS! BLAH! I also always hated those stupid little cheery pilgrims and indians for thanksgiving. Do they realize the genocide and disease which the pilgrims brought upon this country? Its disgusting! I also love how the 7 year old is holding a musket. Yeah, real responsible pilgrim parents. Theres also a sign out in the hallway that says the sentence "The heck with the rest!" Does anyone else see the grammatical error? Whatever. Warning: theres probably going to be a LOT of rants posted on here. Bye!