Surviving an Action Movie

Lets start off simple here. If you find yourself in a movie, you will pe pit against an antagonist. This antagonist will ruin your life, and it is your purpouse to defeat this villain. DO NOT ASSUME THIS ANTAGONIST HAS BEEN DEFEATED UNTIL YOU SEE HIS BODY OR REMAINS! Too many times has a character been killed off because they assumed "Theres no way he could have survived that fall!" and then bam! Right in the kisser.

Secondly, If you run into a female character who talks alot, YOU WILL END UP WITH HER. Believe me, it doesnt matter how much you both cant stand eachother in the beginning of the plot, the director considers this conflict "Dynamic Romantic Tension."in lamen's terms, you two will be marching down the aisle by lunchtime.

The scientist character always dies first. Trust me. If you find yourself in a movie, and your GPA is equal to or higher than 4.5, kill yourself. DO IT. DO IT NOW.

DO NOT EXPECT TO MARCH RIGHT UP TO THE VILLAIN AND DEFEAT HIM! Noooo, you have to work your way up, take out his henchmen first, than his lieutenants, than his second in command (the female character will probably take out the only other female character in a catfight) and finally, you beat him one on one, probably through an explosion, avalanche or other chain reaction. Remember rule 1!

Are you holding a gun in the beginning of your journey? Yes? Throw it off a cliff. Believe me, youre going to get less use out of that thing than a fork at KFC. Either youll be out of bullets, or it will be just out of reach when you most need it. I know, its crazy, but believe me, it happens all the time.

When you finally defeat your villain, You must say a witty or imposing line or quip. If you don't, the villain will keep coming back scarred or replaced with robotic body parts until you do. Take for example, jaws from James Bond. Seriously, How many times has that guy died?

DO NOT GET INTO A CAR. TRUST ME. CARS = BAAAAAD! Either it will break down, run out of gas, get its tires blown out, etc. Instead, grab a nice motorcycle. You'll be fine, trust me.

The bad guys have terrible aim. Take advantage of this. Allow them to shoot at you as much as possible before actually taking action. Its fun!

THANK YOU FOR READING ZANE'S ACTION MOVIE SURVIVAL GUIDE! With these rules you will be more than prepared for your poorly constructed plot and lousy character design!